The Rest of My Story

Well she called that day to let me know the test was positive. She also said that my hormone level was a little low, but it could be b/c I ovulated a day after the IUI. It all made sense to me, b/c I had ovulated a day later, they were going to be closed on New Year’s Day so I decided to go a day early. She told me to not get too excited yet, but that I was pregnant and I would need to get blood drawn again in a couple days. It was such a mix of emotions. I called my husband immediately crying hysterically telling him the news.

So the next two days we were on top of the world, I even went out and bought “What to Expect When Expecting.” I couldn’t hold the excitement in, it was our first pregnancy and after all the time we had waited it was incredible. I had blood drawn again two days later, she called hours later to tell me my hormones had stayed at the exact same level and that I had had a chemical pregnancy (very early miscarriage). I was devastated. She hadn’t even mentioned that possibility two days prior, how could this be, what did it mean. I was a wreck; I left work immediately and stayed in bed the rest of the day. I just kept thinking of how excited I had been the day before.

In the 3 weeks following our bad news, I had my blood drawn about 2 times a week. The week after she told me my hormone level had increased, but it was about what it should have been the week before. She said that it was probably the peak for my hormones, and that in the next couple days I should start my period. The week after that my hormone level increased again, she again told me that this was probably the peak and that I should start my period. At this point, I was peeing constantly (more than usual), my boobs were more sore than they had ever been before, I was very crampy and I could feel myself gaining weight. I know the weight could have been from all the food I was using to console myself, however, all the other things were pregnancy symptoms. It was so hard for me to have symptoms when I knew that I wouldn’t have a baby in 9 months. I also began to feel as if maybe I hadn’t miscarried yet, and even though I knew it wasn’t a good pregnancy, I felt like maybe I was having an ectopic pregnancy. During the third week of getting my blood drawn I asked her these questions, and she let me know that if my hormone levels didn’t go down that I would have to get some shot that would terminate the pregnancy, and that yes, they were kind of treating as a ectopic pregnancy. I was nervous about the injection, b/c I kept wondering what if I get this done, but it really was an abnormal good pregnancy. Luckily at the end of the third week I did start my period, and so my body was starting to come back around. Those three weeks were pretty hard on me & J. I know I wasn’t much of a wife those few weeks; all I wanted to do was lay in bed & have him bring me home food. I would have a good day followed by a really bad day, and though not many people knew what was going on with us our families did. I could feel at times people not understanding my disappointment when the miscarriage happened so early in the pregnancy. But I was really depressed there for a while. I felt so bad for J, b/c he had to be there completely for me, but I know he was disappointed as well. He was so great though, he was always right beside me and very affectionate during that time, I really don’t know what I would do without him!!!

So after I started my period I still had to give blood to make sure my hormones were below zero. Luckily they were by day 5 and I was able to start a new feritiliy drug. I had been on Clomid for 7-10 cycles, I can’t remember, that she thought it would be a good idea to try something different. I can’t remember the name now, but I will get back with you about that. J & I decided not to tell our families every detail this time so I didn’t feel so much pressure at the end of my cycle. We decided that this month we would go all out, we would do the fertility drug, the ultrasound, the injection to start ovulation and then IUI #2. I went in for my ultrasound a couple weeks later to find out I had 2 ½ eggs, yet they were all on my bad side. She said that we couldn’t do anything else this month; we would have to wait until next. I was bummed, however, I was kind of relieved to find out the way I did rather than having to undergo IUI #2, w/o knowing there was no possibility of getting pregnant, waiting those two awful weeks only to find out that we weren’t pregnant. It was so much to hear this way and so J & I decided from now on this is the route we will take each month.

So as of today I am waiting to start my period. I have a week & ½ to go and then I will start new fertility drug round #2, and then I have to wait another 2 weeks to find out whether the eggs like or dislike me that month. I read someone else’s blog about how infertility is living in 2 week increments, and it is SO true. I don’t think anyone would understand unless they have or are going through this.

So this is the beginning of my blog life, welcome, and enjoy the ride!!!