thanks for the comments

Thank you girls for the comments, they have really calmed my nerves. I swear what a rollercoaster pregnancy is:( Anyways, thanks again, I really needed some kind words & I REALLY appreciate you guys taking the time to give that to me:)

I had a little cramping earlier, but that has now subsided. Just got back from a delicious x-mas dinner w/ the hubby. And now I am off to bed. Sleep tight:)

Now what???

I was just starting to relax a tad and then I went to the bathroom and I have a really weird discharge. I know that some discharge is normal, I remember it w/ Connelly however, this is different than what it has been. This has a more watery consistency and isn't clear like is has been, but has a yellowish-brownish tint. I would not consider it brown, however, has the slight tint. WTF!!! Is this normal? I am hoping that b/c the doc did an exam w/ his fingers of up there that maybe he just disrupted up there a tad and that this is just the result of that but not abnormal. I am just worried though, what if him doing that fucked something up. God, I swear, I will never be able to relax. I just don't know what this is.

Things are A Okay:)

Everything went perfectly!!! I am so thrilled and am happy & relaxing tonight:) The baby looked like a little gummy bear. The heartbeat was 176. My doctor didn't use the doppler since I had an u/s and it looked fine, but the sonographer told me to wait another week or so and then I should be able to find it. I am SO excited. Thank you all for your well wishes, they mean alot & worked:)

On a different note, Connelly got her right top & bottom molars in tonight & has been so fussy all night. I just put her down & she spent about 5 minutes just talking away in her crib when usually she would cry. It was cute to hear her in there.

Life is good tonight & I am trying to enjoy it. Except now I have to pay bills & figure out how I am going to afford them all + taxes + the mortgage. Sometimes being a grown up isn't so fun, but so worth it other times, like tonight enjoying Connelly's company and pleased w/ today's results!!!

Pretty Nervous for my appt.

So I am getting more nervous as the clock ticks on. I will leave work in a little over an hour for my appt. I just fear that I am not going to get good news and that this dream is about to be crushed. I just hope that my fears aren't going to be the truth. I find myself being excited one moment, but then quickly trying to calm myself to keep me down to earth and not to get too ahead of myself. I really want this and hope that I get good news soon. I would love to be able to see that beautiful heartbeat again and be able to relax for a couple minutes. Please keep me in your thoughts through this nervewracking time!

Still Being Cautious

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. We had a snow-packed one. I think we got over a foot of snow, which isn't that common here. We had a great Christmas though.

Sorry I haven't posted, had a lot on my mind. I am still pretty nervous about the pregnancy. Some days I feel pregnant and other days I don't. I just have a bad feeling. I try to remain positive, but it is SO hard. I REALLY hope Bean is growing inside me, but I just don't know. I know that it is still really early, but I have been trying to use my fetal doppler and haven't been able to find the baby's heartbeat on my own. I know I am no expert, but still it makes me a little nervous. I have grown some and there is a little bump there, but I don't feel like it has got bigger in the last couple weeks. I just don't know. I am so scared that I will go in tomorrow for the u/s and my first OB appointment only to find out the baby is gone. I am SO scared. Please, please, please let Bean be okay!!! I think if everything is okay tomorrrow, I might relax for a moment. I just hope that I am able to hear the heartrate w/ my fetal doppler at home soon if everything is okay. I haven't voiced my fears to Jeremy. I feel bad b/c if something awful does happen tomorrow I feel like he is going to be blindsided whereas I have had these fears for 2 weeks now (since my last u/s). I know everything was okay at my last u/s, but my fear is that the doc is going to say the baby stopped growing that day. I am just so scared about tomorrow. I know that we are so happy right now w/ Connelly and she brings SO much joy to our lives and we would get through another m/c but I just don't want to have to deal w/ that. I want to bring our baby into the world this July, I just hope that that is in my cards.

Please pray for me:)

Bean is growing quite nicely!

I have been cramping the last couple days and was starting to just get a bad feeling so I went back to the RE this morning. Bean was doing great, measuring at 8 weeks & 3 days w/ 180 heart rate. I am 8 weeks, 4 days, so bean is only measuring one day behind which I don't think is that big of a deal. Connelly has another double ear infection, so I am home w/ her today. I am laying on the couch watching Supernanny getting ready to take a nap, she just went down about 15 minutes ago. My house is a COMPLETE disaster and so I feel like I should be cleaning right now, but I am SO tired. The nurse did say that I have a pretty big cyst on my left side & that I have a bunch of fluid (old blood) in my uterus. She said the blood could be from a sac that never grew. Anyways she said if I were to have some brown blood or spotting, that not to freak out that is all it was. Yeah right, if I start spotting, you better believe I will be right back at the doctor's office! She said that it might get reabsorbed and I will never see it, so that is what I am hoping for. She also said it is okay to have sex. I have been holding out from Jeremy for weeks now b/c I was so nervous, so it looks like I am ready for those "extra-curricular" activities again. Jeremy is going to be thrilled!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl (2 days late)

Connelly's b-day & party were this past Saturday. It was absolutely everything I'd dreamed of. We had SUCH a blast. I attached some pics to let you all see. We are all exhausted now. I had to change my doctor appt. to the OB to Friday (from tomorrow) b/c I have to take Connelly in for her 1 year checkup tomorrow, and I didn't want to reschedule that b/c I think she has another ear infection:( I am not happy about waiting 4 more days though until I have an u/s. I just pray everything is going good.

Hormones

My hormones are running wild. Last night I started crying b/c I ate too much. Really, I am laughing at myself right now thinking about it. Today, I have been crying at almost every show I watched, and don't really know why. I went home early from work yesterday, I was so uneasy and decided why not. It was so nice to relax. Last night Connelly threw up in the middle of the night. I don't think she is sick, last night, before she went to sleep, I think she ate a leaf or something she found on the ground & kept coughing. It must have upset her stomach & she woke up around 3am and was crying, when I went in there she smelled of puke. It was in her bed, but all dry so I don't know when it happened. Now all I have been able to smell all day is puke, it is quite disgusting actually. I stayed home from work today too. When I woke up this morning & it had snowed & I was tired, I decided that I am super stressed out about home stuff & work stuff. Then I realized that I am always going to be behind at work, but if I stayed home, I could relax & maybe get some stuff done around the house, so I called in. It has taken me about 3x as long to do anything b/c I feel exhausted, but whatev, I am just glad I'm home. I feel bad about not working, but again, so glad I am home. Alright, I think I have taken a long enough break, better get back to putting clothes away:)

B

Connelly was due 1 year ago today

I can't believe that Connelly was due a year ago. It is so odd to me how recently I think back to a year ago I was doing this or a year ago I was doing that. A year ago tonight, Jeremy & I purchased our Christmas tree to have it ready when we brought home our little girl. I can't believe a year has already gone by. She is such a big girl, I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

As far as me & bean & the pregnancy are going, pretty good I hope. I am very tired & a little uneasy still. I still think I am going to try to get an u/s done on Friday. I want to get Connelly's 1 year pics taken Friday so I have them to hand out for her party, but know Friday is going to be SO stressful even w/ taking the day off.

Yesterday Connelly starting transitioning to the 1's room. Jeremy's parents picked her up from daycare yesterday and she was EXHAUSTED last night. By 6pm she was ready to go to bed, I felt bad that they had driven to see her & she was so fussy. What do you do.

I finalized everything for her monkey cake today & can't wait to see it on Saturday:) I am really looking forward to her party, but think it is going to be overwhelming. I think there are going to be 18 kids there (6 under the age of 1).

Hope everyone is having a good day!
B

Hanging in there

Sorry I am such a bad blogger over the weekends. This weekend was super busy & I still feel like I need a nap from it. I am been feeling pretty good. I looked at pics of last pregnancy last night & I feel like I already look bigger now than I did at 10 weeks before. After I eat, it looks like my stomach packed on at least 10 lbs. I am feeling pretty uneasy. Not to where I think I'll throw up, and I haven't thrown up, but just really uneasy and all the time. I was not this nauseous w/ Connelly ever:( But it will all be worth it to me when I bring home a little baby in July!!! I am really tired too. My boobs still haven't hurt at all, they may have grown a teeny-tiny bit, but barely noticeable, I still am not convinced if they have or not.
I go to the OB next week. However, I am thinking about pushing it off another week & calling the RE this week & trying to get back in at the end of this week, so I get one more u/s in. We'll see. I just have a feeling we'll be telling our friends this weekend b/c I don't know how I can hide my stomach any longer & I want to see the baby one more time before I tell them. This weekend my mom & sister decided to tell half the world so now I am nervous everyone is going to find out before Jeremy & I were ready. Oh well, what do you do. I just hope that everything works out good for us. In the past 2 years, my family has had 4 miscarriages between me & 2 of my sisters. I just don't want us to go through another!!!

Talk to you soon.
B

We have a heartbeat:)

I am so excited to say, that we were able to see our lil' bean's heartbeat this morning. The appointment went as well as we'd hoped. The doctor seemed a bit nervous at first, but then saw everything, and did let up that he was grateful for the outcome, so I think he was a bit nervous last week. I am just glad it all went well. We are so excited. I will try to download the pics tonight so I can upload them here. Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers, they worked!

B

Can't believe tomorrrow is already almost here

So glad today is almost over. I am SO tired & have felt pretty uneasy all day. I have to stay late tonight for work, so that really sucks, but at least it is for planning our awards ceremony this weekend & mainly we will be wrapping gifts, so that won't be that bad.

I can't belive tomorrow is already almost here. It seemed like a year from now just last week and in less than 24 hours I will either have really good or bad news. I should be able to see my baby's heartbeat tomorrow in the u/s, so that is what I am hoping for. I am so glad Jeremy gets to go w/ me. I just hope everything turns out okay. I have been very positive these past few days, so I am not completely freaking out, but you can't help but be nervous.

So keep your fingers crossed for me. I hope I have great news & pics to show tomorrow. Thanks for listening:)
B

Stupid boy comments

Last night I remembered that we needed to start taking 2 week pregnancy pics so I got the camera out for Jeremy to start snapping shots. And then I began to hear the same annoying comments that he used to make. He was laughing at me telling me I was sticking out my tummy & that I had no stomach at all & I was faking what I had & that I hadn't grown at all. Obviously he isn't noticing how tight the waist in all my pants are now. I am completely growing, I even weighed myself to see how much I weighed b/c I weighed myself the night I found out I was pregnant which was exactly 2 weeks ago as of yesterday. So anyways, I definitely had gained 6 lbs. YIKES!!! I know some of that is my weight just fluctuates a bit, but usually only by a couple pounds, not SIX!!! So I know I am growing. I guess I fear that if for some reason this doesn't work out, that is going to be really hard seeing my stomach has already grown but w/ no good outcome. I remember when I miscarried last time that being really hard on me. But I actually am feeling really good about this all right now. I hope I don't need to insert my foot in my mouth on that one, I am pretty positive.

This week hasn't been that bad so far, as far as waiting for Thursday goes, but I am only through 1 day. I am just SO tired!!! I made pot roast this morning & put it in the crock pot, so when I get home I don't have to do anything but eat. I am shopping for x-mas gifts today for my work awards ceremony (we bring in Santa) so hopefully that will make time fly by too. I just can't wait for this week to by over, but I hope it ends w/ good results for me:)