Still Being Cautious

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. We had a snow-packed one. I think we got over a foot of snow, which isn't that common here. We had a great Christmas though.

Sorry I haven't posted, had a lot on my mind. I am still pretty nervous about the pregnancy. Some days I feel pregnant and other days I don't. I just have a bad feeling. I try to remain positive, but it is SO hard. I REALLY hope Bean is growing inside me, but I just don't know. I know that it is still really early, but I have been trying to use my fetal doppler and haven't been able to find the baby's heartbeat on my own. I know I am no expert, but still it makes me a little nervous. I have grown some and there is a little bump there, but I don't feel like it has got bigger in the last couple weeks. I just don't know. I am so scared that I will go in tomorrow for the u/s and my first OB appointment only to find out the baby is gone. I am SO scared. Please, please, please let Bean be okay!!! I think if everything is okay tomorrrow, I might relax for a moment. I just hope that I am able to hear the heartrate w/ my fetal doppler at home soon if everything is okay. I haven't voiced my fears to Jeremy. I feel bad b/c if something awful does happen tomorrow I feel like he is going to be blindsided whereas I have had these fears for 2 weeks now (since my last u/s). I know everything was okay at my last u/s, but my fear is that the doc is going to say the baby stopped growing that day. I am just so scared about tomorrow. I know that we are so happy right now w/ Connelly and she brings SO much joy to our lives and we would get through another m/c but I just don't want to have to deal w/ that. I want to bring our baby into the world this July, I just hope that that is in my cards.

Please pray for me:)