Chugging Along

Hey there, so today is going by SO slow!!! Our server is still down at work, so I can only get on the Internet, and doing that is definitely not working. I am trying to move things around, but I need a strong man to help me move all the shelves & I don't know who to ask. The guy that usually helps me isn't working today. Yesterday & today have both kind of sucked. It isn't that I am in a bad mood or anything, I am just tired & don't really feel like working. 4 1/2 hours to go today.

So I found out this weekend that Jeremy's cousin just miscarried. I guess her & her husband's parents were in town, & they were going to tell everyone she was 6 weeks pregnant & than she starting cramping and bleeding & realized she miscarried. I emailed her & let her know what I have been going through just so she knew she wasn't alone b/c I don't know if anyone other than our immediate family & closest friends even knows about our miscarriage. We are having a girls day on Saturday w/ his mom's side so she will be there & she told me we'd discuss everything then. I didn't even know they were trying. I always wondered why they hadn't started, there is a rare breast & ovarian cancer gene that runs in the family & she has it. I don't really understand it all, but I thought they would start trying a long time ago. Jeremy's grandma died of both cancers (I think) when his mom was very young. All three of his aunts have had some form of that cancer & so they have all (there were four girls in his mom's family) been tested, all have the gene but Jeremy's mom. I feel sorry for all of them, but so lucky to know that it won't be passed to my children. His cousin has already found lumps in her breasts & so I thought at some point she might have to have a full hysterectomy & double mastectomy (spelling?). I don't know if they have been trying or if this was their first try. My heart kind of sank not only for them, but for me too. I thought he was going to tell me at first they were pregnant & telling people which I was sad I wasn't in her shoes, but then he said she miscarried and I felt badly for my first reaction. I have a hard time hearing about anyone else getting pregnant. I know that is so selfish, but I want this so badly & we have waited so long. I really want them to get pregnant, but I want to be pregnant too. I think it will be so hard if she gets pregnant & I have to hear about her baby constantly when I am so much longing for my own. So I am praying that she is able to find strength during this tough time & hoping that she does get pregnant again soon & has a full safe pregnancy (but I hope I do too).

I asked Jeremy last night again how long did he think we would wait until we went to IVF. I asked him that after 2 years of trying (Nov/Dec 2008) if he would be willing to start IVF treatments. He is pretty adamant about adoption. He has always wanted to adopt his first child, and this was even before we realized we had infertility issues. I am completely up for adoption if that is what it comes down to, and I am even up for adoption after I have children of my own (if I am able), but I really want to try other things first. I tried to explain to him that I really want to be pregnant, I long for that feeling. I know that if I have to I will go other routes, but I need to at least try everything possible that might lead to me being pregnant. He doesn't completely understand, but supports me & said that it would be my decision in the end. I really appreciate him being so supportive, I don't' know what I would do without him.

I have my ultrasound in T-6 days and I am getting nervous. I hadn't really even thought about until last night & now I feel like I am going to count down days until Monday. I am really hoping & praying for at least 3 eggs on the good side.

Well I better get back to doing something.

Have a great day!
Beth