So I am doing okay today. After the initial shock yesterday and the first hour of sobbing, I haven't really cried since. I really think that I have somehow froze my heart. It feels so surreal that I have to go through another 4 weeks of waiting when that is what I just finished. I know that soon I will break down, I just don't know when.
I added 3 more songs. I added this song by George Strait, "I Saw God Today." I love him & this song. It makes me have faith that good things happen & that God works in mysterious ways. I am really trying to have faith in all of this, but it has been very difficult. I also added by Phil Collins, "You'll be in my Heart." For some reason I have always loved this song, I have always looked forward to someday singing my baby to sleep with it. I just love it, and it makes me feel calm. And then I added by Allure, "All Cried Out." My sister & I used to listen to this song all the time, especially when boyfriends would make us sad when we were younger. But it is how I am feeling currently & so I thought it was appropriate. Hope you enjoy.
I just spoke w/ my best friend a bit ago & she told me this girl we went to school w/ & her boyfriend got pregnant (accidentally obviously). I just couldn't believe how unfair life seems sometimes. And I know my friend cares about my feelings & me, but sometimes I don't think she gets how knowing things like that (girls getting pregnant, that don't even have to try) makes me feel. I just don't know how to tell her that gossip like that she might need to keep to herself until I have a huge belly w/ a baby inside it. I just wish sometimes she were a little more sensitive with my feelings.
I think that I am going to talk with Jeremy about our specific plan for the future. I was thinking about it this morning. I think what I would like to do is do exactly what we have done the past 2 months again next month. Hopefully somebody has just been playing a sick joke on us the last 2 months & next month turns out w/ eggs on the good side. If all the eggs are on the bad side again next month, I think that I will want to try injections for one month in May w/ IUI. We will see how that works. I say that if we miscarry or don't get pregnant then I will go back to Femara for a month or two. If after 2 months if we have all canceled cycles I would want to do injections again. By November if I am not pregnant I would like to try IVF. I know all this seems like I am moving too fast, but if I don't I might be insane or dead (not really) by then. I am just SO TIRED of waiting.
Okay, well have a great day, I am going to try. I am cooking dinner for 2 of my sisters tonight b/c Jeremy bet them that the word for an outside theatre was amplitheatre when it is actually amphitheatre. So somehow I got stuck cooking dinner, but I am a pretty good cook, so it should be fun.
Beth
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5 comments:
I always feel better when I have a plan laid out in front of me. ((hugs)) I am sorry this has been so rough on you!
It doesn't sound like you are moving too fast to me. Whatever works for you. And only you can decide that.
I already have my fingers crossed for you for next month.
A plan is always good but talk to your doc about the chances of cancelled cycles on injectables. My first one was cancelled last month because I overstimulated. I don't know if this common though!
Glad you are feeling a little better. And I think it is a great idea to have a plan of action. It will help you remember your options instead of focusing on what is happening right now.
I've kept you and Jeremy in my thoughts.
Let me know if there is something I can do.
Carrie
I have been thinking of you today. I am sure this is a difficult position to be in.
As far as the friend is concerned...tell said friend to keep trap shut...you have the right to say anything you want to and no, you do not have to be tactful about it!
Hang in there and take care!
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