Getting Involved

So I have taken my mom's advice & started to get involved. First off I joined a kickball team. A friend of mine asked me last week & very wearily I accepted. I figure why night take a leap of faith & do something so out of my realm. I am very excited & VERY NERVOUS. I am not the type of girl that likes balls flying at her face. I even have to admit up until yesterday, the whole time I was thinking that kickball was dodge ball. I am embarrassed to say that, but so thankful that it isn't dodge ball. I actually feel a lot calmer about the signing up now. It is a little stressful to think that my team won the last 2 seasons though. Yikes.

I also went to church on Sunday. I know you are thinking, here I am being a C&E (Christmas & Easter) Catholic. But I didn't even go w/ my rather large family like usual. I didn't think anyone was going so I talked Jeremy into going to one by our house w/ me. I was really proud of myself until we sat down & there were children everywhere. It was like they were suffocating us. I tried to keep it to myself, so Jeremy wouldn't know how uncomfortable I was, but then he leaned over and said "there are so many children." He was feeling the same way I was. Sometimes I forget that he is hurting too. I feel bad b/c he has the job of being my support & sometimes I am unable to do that for him. Sometimes I just feel like he doesn't get to express his feelings b/c they might cause more emotional chaos to my life & well that just isn't fair to him. I held back tears throughout the whole mass & day as a matter of fact, but all in all it was a good Easter. When I told my mom we recognized a lot of people there & were glad we went, she did one of those "you see." Like "I told you so" but w/o saying it. Sometimes I wish she didn't seem like such a freaking angel.

I just spoke w/ one of my best friend's from college. She knows what is going on w/ Jeremy & I. She had emailed to ask how the baby making was going, and then signed the email that they would start trying this summer. I emailed her back saying that still a no go for the baby factory & that I would be praying for them. I am excited for her b/c I know she is excited. But it makes me feel more pressure that I need to get this factory up & running & fast before everyone around me is pregnant & I am still baby less. I know that is unfair to all of my friends & family, and I will be so excited for them & their children, but I just hope no one minds that I will also feel a little sorry for myself. I know that is stupid, but I don't know how to feel differently, you just can't make the pain go away b/c you feel selfish. I know I am selfish, but I also feel like I am experiencing how life isn't fair. Okay enough of the pity party, I think I just so tired of waiting, but so are all of you.

Well, 1 week down & 3 weeks to go until I find out if I am able to do IUI #2 take 3 next month. I hope, I pray, I wish!!!

We are going to my college town this weekend b/c my nephew made state for wrestling, he is 11. My sister, husband & I are so excited b/c of all the great restaurants there. I swear I love food as much as Jeremy sometimes. I think my sister & I have plans for breakfast, lunch, dinner & snacks & all at different places. We don't want to miss anything. I can't wait.

Well have a great Hump Day. I will try to be a better blogger.

Beth